Oh, and you may want to make sure that somehow, that annoying friend of yours takes a look at this, too. Think of it as your good deed of the day.
Hopefully, you won’t have to deal with some of these annoying things any longer and hopefully, he or she gets a clue.
1. You Can’t Get Enough Of Yourself-ie
You don’t know why, but you just can’t get enough of yourself! I mean, omg, you look so damn good right now, the rest of the world really should see this!So, you take a selfie in your car… scantily clad in a mirror… walking the dog… in a bathtub… trying on a new outfit at the store… we get it. You love yourself. You love yourself so damn much. Well, every time you show us how much you love yourself, we hate you just a little bit more.
2. Newsflash: We All Know Your Life Isn’t So Great
You’re the person who incessantly talks about how wonderful things are: “The kids are amazing!” “My significant other is so sweet to me all the time!” “Look at all these amazing experiences I’m having!” “Look at all these new things I just bought!”You know that we know you, right? Your kids are disgusting brats, your lover cheats on you, you need booze to get through the day and you’re broke. We know. Stop trying to trick us into believing otherwise.
3. We Don’t Care About Your Love Life
Every date you have, what you plan to wear, where you should go, what you should say… stop! No one cares.If your prospective lover/current lover/former loves sees all your pathetic personal statuses, he or she will most definitely hate you, too.
4. You Think You’re SO Cool
Your constant attempt to endorse unhealthy activities is NOT cool. (“I drink wine all the time, I’m so cool.” “Hey, look at me smoking all the time.” “Hey, here I am standing on a ledge 30 stories off the ground. Don’t I rock so hard!?”) You have problems. Truly.Your friends may not tell you this because they don’t want to offend you. But clearly, you are crying out for help and are seeking some type of support or endorsement for your self-destructive behaviors. Stop and figure out how you can help yourself.
5. Your Emotional Outbursts
OMG you were just at a party and your boyfriend walked out on you. OMG you were just at the store and someone offended you. OMG your teacher was totally such a jerk to you just now.You are a perpetual victim and the universe has somehow wronged you. For some insane reason, you feel strongly that the rest of us need to know about it in the form of a really, really, really long paragraph. Guess what? We don’t care.
You’re acting like a baby. You may be the center of your universe, but most of us have other friends, too.
6. We’re Sick Of Your Opinions
By now, we’re well aware of your stance on the current political agenda and how you think the world should operate the way you think is best. We get it.We, too, are educated and know how to read. We see what you’re saying. We don’t agree. We will never change our opinions and side with you. Facebook and its plethora of advertisers studying your data, thank you, but we hate you. Just. Stop.
7. The Enabler: Potentially The Worst Kind Of Facebook Offender
You have that one friend whom you hate for being the most annoying, but perhaps just as equally annoying (if not more annoying) is that person who supports the annoying friend — we call this person “The Enabler.”The Enabler reinforces everything the annoying friend believes by liking all of the annoying person’s posts, supporting all of his or her beliefs, saying positive things about the annoying friend’s ridiculous or drunken rants and stupid selfies.
What’s worse? The Enabler more than likely knows how annoying the annoying friend is but still shows support for some unholy reason — be it out of insecurity or fear or whatever.
The Enabler makes the annoying person feel like he or she has an audience, thereby increasing the annoying person’s confidence in posting more and more and more.
And you, Enabler, are like fuel for that fire, helping the fire to grow, bigger and bigger, and you are the enemy. And, therefore, we hate you, too.
8. You Are The Feed Clogger
Doesn’t matter how infrequently we log on to Facebook — it’s a sure thing that every time, you will be there, posting over and over again, clogging our feeds with your minute-by-minute updates of your pathetic life.Ever hear the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? If not, here’s a tip: Stop posting about how cute your dog looks right now and go look it up. It’ll do wonders for you (and your relationships).
Oh, and by the way, have you noticed how people aren’t responding to your posts so much? It’s because they’ve blocked you from their feeds.
So by this point, you could very well be over-sharing in a vacuum. But, it’s not too late. Try scaling back to posting once a week and watch your social standing in real life improve. Sure, you may go through withdrawal, but you will live. Until then, we hate you.
9. One-Trick Pony
For those of you who constantly talk about the same thing over and over and over… pictures of your kids all the damn time, pictures of your dog all the damn time, posts about your political beliefs all the damn time, pictures of how much weight you’ve lost all the damn time… Why do you think we care more than once? More than twice? Well, we don’t. Change it up.10. You’re A Meanie
You’re the one who constantly has something snarky, caustic or offensive to say about everything. You probably think you’re being funny or insightful or have the right to spew your venom because you had a rough childhood or some crap, but it’s hurtful and we all already have enough tough stuff happening in our personal lives.We don’t need more negativity. So, stop it. Join an anger management group — the professionals there are paid to care about your issues. We aren’t. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
11. Your Drunken Rants
Booze and the Internet DO NOT MIX. No matter how cool you think you are or how entitled you feel after a few drinks to tell the world what you really think about something, chances are, once you sober up, you’ll realize how dumb you looked by sounding off while you were a drunk fool.But hey, guess what? The rest of us realized how dumb you looked hours ago when you posted your ridiculous drunken rant.
12. Me, Me, Me!
This is for the person who can’t stop talking about him or herself. Did it ever cross your mind that maybe, instead of talking about yourself all the time, you could do some good in the world with this amazing platform we call social media?Organize a community cleanup, raise funds for a good cause or ask yourself what you can do to help someone else. This may come as a shocker, but it’s not all about you.
13. #Hashtags
You think you’re being fun and witty by speaking in hashtags: #ImJustSayin, #OhHellNo, #HowCuteAmIRightNow, #BestThingEver. You’re lame. #AndWeHateYou14. Foodie Overload: Chew On This
Pictures of what you’re eating for breakfast, lunch, dinner, an in-between-lunch-and-dinner snack, your late-night binging episode and what you’re eating at a restaurant… You may not know this, but we think you’re really gross.Do you not realize that we all already know what a steak looks like? We know it. Stop showing us.
15. You Are An Addict, And We Know It
What you’re watching on TV, what you’re thinking about this very minute, your latest pop culture addiction, your crush on an actor, the six outfits you’re trying to decide between for the banal event you’re attending later tonight. Guess what?We don’t care. Go get a hobby. Step. Away. From. Your. Facebook. Get addicted to doing something productive with your life.
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