this story from daily nation was worth sharing of a kenyan experience in naija.
Are you from Kenya my broda?” Asked the
teller at the weave shop.
“Yes,” came my reply. “I need to come to
Kenya, I hear Kenyan men are very
handsome, unlike our brodas here,” she
said batting her eyelids.“Well, if you listen
to Kenyan girls, Naija men are the flavour
of the day, every day,” I tried to be
humble.
“What do you mean Naija men are hotter
than Kenyan men? Those are lies now,”
she said while pulling that “Mscheeew” lip
thing they do.
I know I lost most of you when I
mentioned the weave shop.
What was I doing there? Good question. I
was looking for directions to my hotel and
the two guys I had asked had me all
confused. Yes, they were speaking English,
but I had no idea what they were saying,
thanks to pidgin interference.
That is when I decided to venture into the
hair boutique and try my luck there.
The first thing I noticed was, of course, the
hair. Long, short, blonde, red, black. They
had them all. They had cheap weaves that
looked like black hay and expensive ones
which looked like blacker hay.
Nigerian hair is legendary; even Lil Wayne
rapped about it. That should tell you
something.
To me, they were all classified under three
categories, ugly, uglier, ugliest. I would not
wish them on my worst enemy. But of
course I was not here to buy weaves, but it
felt like I was in a stable.
ACE MERCHANTS
The ladies were brilliant business women.
One walked in, tried on a weave, and they
all yelled; “It looks like it has just been
waiting for your head, ma sista.” Of course
they were lying through their teeth
because she looked as if she had been
electrocuted, but who was I to tell her
that? I was told that a woman sometimes
needs to be lied to.
When she asks if she looks fat in that
dress, look her in the eye and tell her that
she looks like Beyoncé. Of course you will
be referring to that Facebook friend of
yours who goes by the name “Beyonce
Msweetest Shanaynay Wanjira” and not
Mrs Jay Z.
See, that is not lying. No need to thank me
right now.If her weave looks like some
dead cat, just tell her that her look is
valid. Go all Lupita Nyong’o on her; they
cannot resist that line right now, trust me.
Actually, whatever answer you give, just go
all Lupita and you will be home free.
So after the woman was told that she
looked like Halle Berry, she smiled and
decided to buy it.
So after they discovered that I am not
Nigerian and that I am from Obama land,
they decided to pour their hearts out.
They told me how they cannot get enough
of Kenyan men and I asked them where is
this they have a steady supply of Kenyan
men and they told me not to worry about
that and that they are envious of Kenyan
girls who have to see us every waking day.
I waited for them to use me as an example
of how hot Kenyan men are but they never
did.
Here they are talking about hot Kenyan
men and no one said, “Are all Kenyan men
as hot as you?”I do not know what my
reaction would have been, but I would
have started walking around like Denzel
Washington or better, George Jefferson as
he moved up to a deluxe apartment in the
sky. I would have started printing posters
screaming, “come see a hot Kenyan man.”
Let us just say my ego would have blocked
out the Lagos sky.
For the longest time, Kenyan women have
been talking about how they will leave us
Kenyan men for the Nigerian dudes and
while that threat never quite materialises,
I was shocked that behind every so called
“Hot Nigerian man” is a woman tired of
him.
Nigerian men. They are so loud,
flamboyant, and do not think twice about
approaching a woman they like. I have
seen them in action; they pounce and all
you have to do is watch as the “prey” can
do nothing but giggle and give her number,
Facebook name, and Twitter handle.
It is something you have to experience in
your life. A Naija man in action is
unstoppable. He will, of course, be loud
and our girls are helpless.
You know the look they give us when we
try to even say hi? It is usually
nonexistent; they are all gooey and have
only one response: Yes.
To our Kenyan sisters, they love how
assertive the Naijos are but I guess to the
Nigerian girls, they love how calm and
collected we are. The best of both worlds.
So, Kenyan ladies, looks like Naija women
have the hots for us Kenyan men, so either
stop with the threats or we will leave you
for them. All in favour say aye!! C’mon
dudes, let us try this again, all in favour
say aye! *crickets*
@Mwanikih
source: NATION.CO.KE
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