about what your sex life looked like. There are two possibilities here. The first is that he has an unrealistic view of what to expect during sex. If he has either watched a lot of porn or had a
large number of sexual partners (especially promiscuous ones), then he likely has expectations that are unrealistic about what good relationship sex looks like.
That has
nothing to do with you, so it’s not something
you need to address. The second possibility is
that due to inexperience, or perhaps a lack of
communication during sex, you failed to do
something that he wanted or expected. He bears
equal responsibility for that, by the way.
I’ve always maintained that what a woman needs
to be good at sex are Focus, Enthusiasm and
Boldness. What can I say, they’ve always worked
for me. However, my experience is too limited to
allow me to speak with authority on this matter.
I’ve done some research, and found, perhaps
unsurprisingly, that this is a very popular topic
on forums and blogs.
Here’s what men say are the
most common mistakes that
women make in bed. They are in
the relative order of importance,
based on how frequently they’re
mentioned:
1. Passivity
Men refer to women who just “lie there” as
Dead Fish, Dead Lay and Corpse. It’s not true
that men just want an orifice and nothing else.
Men want and need to know that the woman is
really into having sex specifically with them.
“Show some enthusiasm. We want you to be as
into it as we are. It makes us want to try new
things and figure you out a bit.”
“The most boring thing a woman can do is not
move. It’s even worse if she is totally silent.”
“Gyration is the ticket.”
“They call it bump, so bump.”
“There’s nothing worse than a chick that just lies
there…might as well be doing it with a pillow.”
“Not moving her hips would pretty much kill it.”
“When she doesn’t touch you, but lets you do
whatever.”
“Not giving feedback. Make some noise,
something.”
You’ve got to meet a man halfway during sex.
Participate.
2. Insecurity
Men lose desire for women who have no
confidence in their physical attributes or sexual
appeal.
“I hate it when a chick doesn’t want me to look
at her body. Whether it’s turning out the lights
or avoiding morning sex, my attraction for a girl
takes a dive when she does that.”
“When she doesn’t trust her instincts. Some
girls flop around like manatees, have all these
crazy moves, think they are being so hot, but
they’re a mess. It has to be real.”
“Unless it’s her first time, I hate when a girl
acts all nervous or scared.”
“Any kind of worrying about their appearance.
Some girls start worrying about what’s
happening with their makeup. Gross.”
“A woman should learn to receive compliments.
When I compliment a girl, and she contradicts it,
I know the sex won’t be any good. If I tell you
that you have a hot body, just smile like you
know it’s true. Don’t go telling me I’m wrong!”
Feeling secure during sex has a lot to do with
trust. This is one of the reasons that casual sex
is very awkward and unnatural for many
women.
3. Lack of creativity
Men have a strong preference for sexual
variety. This is most easily met by having sex
with different women. If you want a man to be
monogamous, you need to find ways to keep
things fresh and interesting.
“The sex is scripted – it’s the same thing each
time. I’m not going to do this for the rest of my
life.”
“I hate when a woman gets lazy in a
relationship. It gets to be 10 minutes instead of
2 hours. It’s boring. Why bother?”
“Only wanting missionary.”
“Doggie style is always appreciated.” ;-)
“It’s best when sex engages all five senses:
touch, smell, taste, sound and vision.”
“Men are very visual. Give us something to look
at. Woman on top is good for this.”
“Try something new and pay close attention to
how I react. I’ll let you know if I like being
touched a certain way.”
“Just do the unexpected. Men love surprises
during sex.”
“Take a chance. Try something new. To be
honest, if it hurts a little bit that gets me
going.”
“Finding a new place to have sex always kick
starts things.”
Approach sex with a desire to discover new
things, and be receptive to your partner’s
suggestions. If he asks for something that isn’t
harmful, try it.
4. Making your needs
subservient to his.
Men want women who 1) love sex 2) with
them.
“Your own pleasure is the key – orgasm or bust.
That’s really hot.”
“We get off on your enjoyment. Look us in the
eye and tell us exactly what’s good.”
“Flip the script and get dominant. When a
woman climbs on top of me and pins my wrists
down that’s super hot.”
“Whatever you do, don’t fake an orgasm. It
makes us both a loser.”
“I want a woman to go after what she needs.”
“I know that every woman is different. Yeah, I
know where the clit is, but not how a particular
woman wants me to touch it. You’ve got to say
what you want. “
Let biology prevail here. The human may be
the only female mammal capable of having an
orgasm. Don’t waste that.
5. Lack of oral sex.
No explanation needed. It’s an important part
of the repertoire for almost every guy.
“The hummer test is crucial.”
“If she won’t swallow it’s a turnoff.”
“Teeth.”
“Any kind of scraping sensation.”
“A good BJ includes more than a mouth. At least
one hand.”
“If she likes giving head, or makes me believe
she likes it with me, I’m psyched.”
“Don’t forget to give some attention to the boys.”
6. Rudeness
Rude or inconsiderate women will be that way
during sex, so it’s caveat emptor here as far as
I’m concerned. Here are examples of behaviors
that are understandably off-putting from either
sex.
“When she has any awareness whatsoever of her
phone.”
“Texting or taking a call.”
“Not caring if I finish or not.”
“Getting oral and not reciprocating. If you won’t
do it, you shouldn’t be getting it either.”
“When she acts distracted, like her mind is
obviously elsewhere.”
“Bringing up something during sex that has
nothing to do with sex.”
“Criticizing in a way that is not constructive.”
“Comparing me to any other guy, or referring to
other sexual experiences.”
(source)
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