Plus, it's been reported that women judge men's shoes twice as much as men judge women's shoes -- so guys, it pays to step up your footwear game. Whether you realize it or not, here is what your shoes are saying about you.*
Pumas
The guy who wears velcro Pumas most likely gels his pubes and
frequents the tanning salon. He is definitely on the GTL spectrum and
admits to loving the “Jersey Shore” without any sarcasm or shame.
If you are unlucky enough to encounter this brand of dude, we suggest
you cross the street. Engaging with him in conversation would be like
trying to talk to an amnesiac. Plus, he’s probably too concerned with
how his muscles look in the store window.He’s not going to get a chance unless he rethinks his footwear (if he can actually think that hard).
Driving Mocs
This guy knows style... but he might be a little high-maintenance. Those baby-smooth leather and suede shoes do require much upkeep and care, after all.
Black Dress Shoes
This guy is pulled-together and knows how to show himself some self-respect, meaning (we hope) he'll show others the same.
If you’re wearing fancy dress shoes that also implies that you’re donning an expensive suit. And, there is nothing a woman loves more than a man in suit, especially a luxury one. Cha Ching!
You’ve got the sex appeal down pact. You’re obviously wealthy, appreciate finer things, and know the difference between Calvin Klein and Armani. You are used to getting what you want and boy do we hope it’s us.
Timberlands
These shoes might be intended for hiking, but chances are this dude hasn't hit the trail in a while. More likely, he's a not-so-rough guy just trying to look tough.
If you’re sporting a fresh tanned pair of Timbs, chances are you’re pretty ghetto – but in a cool, gangster rap kind of way. To pull off a pair of Timbs you’re going to need big feet, so you’re probably a big…guy.
You’re outdoorsy, laid-back, drive an SUV, and own some wide-brimmed hats for sure. You’d take us to a rap concert on a date and would let us buy a round. Timberlands are classic – just like you, an OG who was listening to Biggie before he was Biggie. These boots are built to last, so even though we’ll have some rough sex and heated arguments, you’ll still be loyal. We just have to break you in a little.
Sperry Boat Shoes
This guy is a traditionalist, i.e. someone who follows in his dad's footsteps and still wears the shoes he wore every summer growing up.
We get it, you went to prep school, and you like playing golf because you like fresh polo shirts (or really any kind of shirt with a collar). You like looking put together, which means you probably take as much time picking out your outfit as we do.
You’re a little bit of a pussy, which implies you won’t say no when we demand that you take us to upscale restaurants. You like to accessorize with man-purses and overpriced sunglasses, and you’ll enjoy going on shopping trips with us. Guys who wear boat shoes stand with their hands in the pockets of their seersucker tailored shorts and say things like, “Is it weird that I’m going to order a salad?” (It’s not. But now it is.)
Your idea of a good time is lounging by the water, casually doing “a little work here and there” on your laptop, and Instagramming — using heavy filters — photos of luxury items. Too bad you’re only good for one season.
Air Jordans
This man is a serious sneakerhead.
These are the hardest of shoes to judge — everyone owns at least one pair of sneakers for the gym and for life. Let’s get one thing straight though, you absolutely cannot wear your sneakers with khakis (why are you even wearing khakis?) or jeans and a short sleeve polo t-shirt (hey, Dad!).
The type and color of the sneaker are key here: anything white and mesh looks very dorky, 8th grade science lab partner. If he’s sporting a cool pair of kicks we’re going to notice and we’re going to like what we see. Respect.
The guy who wears nice sneaks is active, but not in a ‘roided-out’ gym slut way. He’ll meet you for happy hour, be a gentlemen, and take you to a movie of your choice afterwards. Because he’s wearing sneakers, he’ll even walk you home. This is a nice, good guy, plain and simple. He likes what you like and you like him.
Converse
Like a great pair of Converse, you are understated, complimentary and effortlessly fit in on any occasion. You can go to a backyard party or a red carpet soiree – either way you’ll enjoy yourself. Whether you are the newbie or leader of your group, people like to be around you due to your easy personality. And so do we. We like that you care about your appearance, but aren’t trying to compete with us.
You’ll take us to see live music or go bowling on our first date and you’ll cuddle us at the end of it. Converse are the All-American, all-star shoe and you are the well-rounded, all-star guy. You have an interesting, non-traditional job, appreciate going out just as much as staying in, and like to bro-out every once in a while. Plus, you also have a hobby like seeing movies, listening to music or reading on the subway.
Lace-Up Oxfords
You’ll probably take us to a farmer’s market on the first date, and then we’ll go back to your outrageously expensive Brooklyn pad to cook up the ingredients, and next maybe we’ll watch vintage porn from the 1920s…on your flee market record player. Just thinking about reading books in coffee shops gets you hard.
however,For someone who is supposedly mellow and lax, you are actually very high-maintenance. There isn’t enough room in your life for us, your bookshelves of classic novels and your obscure band collection.
Retro Nikes and New balance
He tries to not be obvious about it, but this man really does care about looking cool and trendy.
There is a special place in this world for a man who wears New Balance and it’s in the public library or laboratory. This guy was definitely a loser in high school and is probably still wearing the same shoes. He failed miserably in gym class, spent most of his time studying for the Chemistry SAT II, and went to a small liberal arts school.
He wears quarter zips with elastic cuffs and thinks Kanye West is violent. He also likes to bring his lunch in an insulated bag and then save the Tupperware for later. He’s so nerdy it breaks our hearts, but we also love him for it.
Shockingly, he always has a really nice, genuinely sweet girlfriend (while we’re all still single) and treats her like a queen. The guys who wears New Balance is a little boring like his sneaker choice
Sandals With Socks
There’s no reason to ever wear sandals and socks – choose one. All this tells us is that you were too lazy to take your socks off before putting your sandals on, which makes us think twice about your judgment.
You’re an athletic guy who’s probably running from one practice to another, but that doesn’t change the fact you’re STILL WEARING SOCKS AND SANDALS. The only person who could even remotely pull this off is Cristiano Ronaldo. Are you him? No, so take off your damn socks and make sure your toenails don’t resemble anything from the movie “Beetlejuice.”
Men who wear sandals and socks are amateurs. They look like a totally innocuous species (save for their footwear) and that’s partly because they are naïve, eager to please and unable to make their own decisions (hence choosing both the tubewear and flip flops).
These guys love to bro with their fellow dudes, and will probably take their advice when it comes to relationships. They spend a good percentage of their day playing Madden or some other sports related video game and smoke a lot of weed to accompany their gaming. Think “frat boy who hasn’t grown up.”
When we eventually break up, we’ll be asking ourselves why the relationships lasted so long.
*We acknowledge that one's personality cannot be determined entirely from one's shoes, and we don't recommend totally writing off men who wear unattractive shoes. But hey, we're still partial to guys with cute kicks.
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