means you can't catch STDs, we were smart enough to call bullshit.
But it turns out that we probably shouldn't have been so quick to laugh and tell him what a virgin he was, because some of those ridiculous sex myths turned out
to be terrifyingly close to the truth.
Cracked put up quite an intresting list that is definately worth sharing
#1. Yes, the Dude Can Break His Penis (You Can Even Hear it Snap!)
The Myth:
You see that lady violently bouncing up and down on that guy's boner in that porn
You need to be careful doing that -- if she lands wrong, she can absolutely break his penis.
The Truth:
Come on! That can't be true, right? It's not like a boner has an actual bone in it.
No, but there are two cylinders of tissue that become rigid during an erection, and if she lands on it wrong, it can break, with "an
audible cracking sound."
And strangely, this is more likely to happen when a man is cheating , according to University of Maryland Medical Center researcher Dr. Andrew Kramer, who studies penile fractures
(and incidentally has by far the worst job in the world). Kramer's research shows that when a
man is having an affair, he's more likely to end up with a sharp 90 degree bend in his Mini-Me.
He reasoned that illicit sex is more likely to happen in unusual ways or places -- the guy is trying to impress her, after all -- and it's
awkward positions and "acrobatic" sex that create the most danger to his brittle love stick.
#2. You Can Totally Get Your Junk Stuck Together During Sex
The Myth:
"I heard from a friend of a friend about this guy who was banging some married chick. The husband came home without warning, and the dude tried to pull out and run away, but he couldn't. He was stuck. Inside her."
The Truth:
It sounds like the dumbest of the sex horror urban legends, but sometimes even the dumbest stories have a kernel of truth to them.
In this case, it's a rarely documented but not unknown phenomenon called penis captivus.
You don't need to be fluent in Latin to guess what that means.
Legends of people getting their dirty bits stuck inside each other have persisted for centuries,
and it was long said that it happened when people did the nasty with someone they shouldn't, like another man's wife.
Modern medicine dismissed the idea for a long time, chalking it up to a hilarious scary story told to
keep people from cheating on their spouses.
But medical science is always trying to discover new horrors for you to have nightmares about,
and now experts say all it takes is for the female's southern regions to clench in such a way as to turn a vagina into a kind of Chinese
finger trap.
#3. Sex Can Cause Blindness
The Myth:
"Dude, my bro was railing this chick and he busted his nut so hard, he went blind! Said it
was totally worth it, though."
The Truth:
Despite all those crazy liars telling you that masturbation is completely safe, your mom may
actually have been right when she told you that flogging the dolphin would make you go blind.
Well, kind of. It turns out that it is possible to have an orgasm so aggressive that you straight up lose your vision.
The blindness, known by the terrifying name of amaurosis fugax, usually only lasts for a few
minutes before your sight comes back. And, bizarrely, it only happens in one eye, for some
reason.
When a 52-year-old man started going blind every time he had sex with his wife, he decided he should probably see a doctor. So
did a Danish man and a woman from Texas.
In each case, the blindness was experienced right around the time of orgasm. When given a stress test on a treadmill, the patients were just fine -- it was only sex that set off the condition.
And it isn't necessarily a one-time thing. In the case of the 66-year-old Danish guy, he'd been going blind two or three times a week, which is actually kind of admirable when you consider his age and realize he considered his vision less
important than poontang.
Doctors aren't sure why it happens, but it's theorized that a particular kind of exertion that some people tend to put their bodies through
at the point of orgasm can dam the blood vessels in the eye (some of the patients were cured by prescribing them blood-thinning
medication to take before sex). You should also note that this is yet another reason not to have
sex while driving or flying an aircraft.
#4. Hickeys Can Cause Strokes and Paralysis
The Myth:
"That weird kid from history class told me that he gave himself that hickey with a vacuum cleaner to make it look like he had a girlfriend and died."
The Truth:
A Maori woman from New Zealand freaked out a little when her left arm suddenly stopped working one day. Needing her arm to do various
arm-related things, she decided she should hit up the local ER. When the doctors looked her
over, they decided that she'd had a stroke and gave her some blood thinners as part of the standard treatment, although they had no idea what might have caused a healthy woman to stroke out like that.
But then one of them noticed a bruise on her neck right next to a major artery. The woman told them it was a hickey, presumably rolling her eyes at the clueless nerds. But when they examined it closer, they discovered that the
woman had been hickeyed so hard that it had bruised a major artery, which clotted to the point of stroke and potential paralysis. Doctors
could find no other recorded examples of this happening, although obviously that doesn't
mean it hasn't happened -- it's not like this is the first thing they check for on stroke victims.
#5. Food Allergies Can Be Transmitted Through Semen
The Myth:
"My hairdresser warned me to be careful, since I'm allergic to peanuts. Her sister's face swelled
up like a balloon when she gave her boyfriend a blow job after he had eaten some trail mix."
The Truth:
It is also possible for food allergies to be triggered by semen if the guy you're doing the nasty with has recently eaten the thing you're allergic to.
Just ask the British woman who had what might be the first recorded case of a sexually
transmitted allergic reaction. Her boyfriend ate a few handfuls of mixed nuts, but, knowing about his lady friend's debilitating Brazil nut
allergy, he showered and brushed his teeth before making his move. Still, after they finished up, the woman began to experience the tell-tale signs of having ingested nuts, and not the kind of nuts that she thought she'd had in her mouth. After going to the doctor,
their fears were confirmed when the doc did one of those skin-prick tests with his nutty semen.
"Judging by the giggling coming from the lab, I'm pretty sure your results came back positive."
That's right -- in what must have been the most awkward hospital visit of all time, the doctor asked him to eat some Brazil nuts and then rub one out into a vial so that he could smear it on his girlfriend's arm, at which point he would
have been right to ask whether he could check the guy's medical license.
#6. Cheating on Your Spouse Can Cause Injury or Death
The Myth:
"You'd better be careful if you're thinking of cheating on that nice girl, because karma will always catch up with you in the end. Death
karma."
The Truth:
People have been spreading urban legends about infidelity causing death since time immemorial. It's easy to see why -- there's no
better way to discourage immoral behavior than to perpetuate a rumor that God will strike you
down for it. But surely, as far as biology is concerned, there shouldn't be anything dangerous about infidelity, because it's not like nature cares whether you and the person you're boning have matching rings, right? Well, here's
where things get weird.
Weirder, anyway. These are usually some off- the-menu hijinks to begin with.
Sure, people just stop being alive during sex sometimes. That's not really news, since TV and movies have been playing the "old man dies on top of his young girlfriend" bit for years.
Studies report that roughly 1 percent of sudden deaths happen during some bedroom hanky-
panky. But here's the thing: Of that group of people, almost all of them were cheating on their significant other.
That means that if you're getting some on the side, you might want to make sure you lay off the pork rinds and go for a jog once in a while.
Also, some sad news for cheating d-bags everywhere: The fatalities are almost exclusively dudes. Although they were usually with a much
younger woman, so we guess that's a trade-off you've got to choose for yourself.
As you can guess, the logic is similar to the penis breaks -- those older guys in full midlife crisis mode are trying to go extra hard, while also feeling the fear of getting caught and the excitement that comes with banging a secretary
in their office. That winds up being a little too much for the ol' ticker (or whatever other organ was the weak link in their system), and before they know it, they've humped their way right off
the mortal coil. We'd offer some word of caution here, but it's not like it would actually stop anyone, right?
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