"I have a hookup buddy who sexts me once a week. He'll hit me up around 10 p.m. on a weeknight and ask me if I'm horny—and sure, why not? After 15 minutes of back-and-forth 'oh, baby' and 'that feels so good,' he says he finished, and I say I did, too—when in reality, I'm rarely (if ever) even close."
Sound familiar? It might. Forty-eight percent of college students said they lied while sending dirty texts to a committed partner, according to a recent study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior. And if people are willing to fake it with a significant other, do you really think those in more casual relationships sext the truth? We're going to go with...no. So we did a little crowdsourcing and came up with some of the most common lies women send via sext.
"I'm wearing the sexy, lacy lingerie you got me for Christmas underneath my business suit."
Reality check: My bra and panties are two totally different colors and patterns and don't even come from the same brand. Because really, who wears that stuff during office hours? Comfortable weekday undies, for the win.
"Of course, I'll [insert sexual move here] to you."
I mean, sure, hypothetically. But if you showed up at my door right now we might have an issue on our hands. I mean, come on... the point of sexting is that we're talking fantasies, not realities? Right?
"I'm completely naked."
I'm in leggings and a baggy sweatshirt binge-watching Scandal. Maybe I'm braless? Does that count?
"I'm so horny for you right now."
It's 11:37 p.m. on a Tuesday night, and I'm catching up on all the blood and gore from Sunday's Game of Thrones. Sure, I'm decently turned on.
"I just took that picture in the bathroom...at work. ;)"
I've been taking nude selfies in my bathroom at home so that I have a stockpile to send whenever you ask. Hoarding at its sexiest.
"It's so beautiful."
Well, it's a penis, and to be honest, you could have done a little more with the lighting in your apartment. But we like you enough to be sexting with you, so obviously we don't want to offend you (or it).
"Thinking about your naked body is really turning me on."
I'm actually thinking of George Clooney's face—but with Chris Hemsworth's abs, cuddling me with Josh Duhamel's arms. Hey, I thought this was supposed to be about using our imagination?!
"You're making me so wet."
Actually, I'm dry as the Sahara down there. I should probably ask my gyno about that. Let me get a Post-It...
"I'm home all alone."
Just kidding, my girlfriends (you remember Julia and Amy, right?) are over tonight and they're helping me craft these responses. How else could I have thought up that incredibly sexy wordplay? By the way, your messages are really adding to girls' night.
Of course, if you're really not into it, you shouldn't send a sext just to appease your partner. It's like the tech equivalent of faking an orgasm. Another option: You could send this awesome response to an unsolicited sext.
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