Absolutely Absurd Things Women Do When They Have A Crush

As a highly capable, highly intelligent young woman, I will never understand why I become so incredibly stupid when I grow a crush on a guy. As hard as I try to fight my bizarre, love-possessed tendencies, at the end of the day it’s always a futile attempt. I’ve given up and accepted that crushes just make people do the dumbest things. Tell me I’m not alone on the following 10 absurd things women do when they like a guy:


Reading Horoscopes

You never cared which star was aligned with which moon until you developed a painful crush. Now, you’re neurotically overanalyzing your horoscope to see if your love is fated or doomed.

Facebook Creep on His Fam

Scrolling through his 12-year-old sister’s 76 profile pictures takes your obsession to new levels.

Rehearsing Convos in Your Head
You write entire acts of dialogue that you wish would play out between you and your crush, but when you actually see him in person, you choke and forget your lines.

“Casually” Running Into Him

“OMG Justin! What are you doing here? So weird running into you like this.” Except he just checked in at Olive Garden on Facebook half hour ago and you ran three red lights to get there before he left…”casual,” indeed.

Dying Your Hair Color

One time your crush subtly mentioned that blondes are typically his “type,” so you took it as a personal attack against your dark locks. A bottle of peroxide and four hours in a salon later, and you think you’ve solved the issue.

Web Stalking
There’s no reason to memorize every bit of information on his Linkedin account. And did those high school football roster pictures really teach you anything?

Failing Class

The classic Cady Heron move of pretending you’re an idiot to get the guy you like to help you after class.

Faking Similar Interests

The songs he listens to on iHeartRadio pop up in your news feed, so you buy them on iTunes, make a CD with the songs on it and coincidentally play it when he’s riding in your car with you so he thinks you’re musical soul mates. Or is this one just me? Awkward.

Laughing Too Much

You’re such a giggly mess around your crush to a point where you find absolutely anything that spews out of his mouth as pure comic genius. Him: So, where do you want to go to dinner? You: I don’t care anywhere, LOL! Him: I got a speeding ticket on my way home from work today. You: Haha! Oh my gosh, no way you’re so funny. Him: How was your day? You: It was great hahah you? You get the point.

Become A Mute

Possibly the most absurd behavior you develop when you like a guy is forgetting how to speak. You become a mute around your crush and hardly even make eye contact. This disability is more confusing than the Coriolis Effect and quantum physics if you ask me.

-Business Unplugged