19 (HILARIOUS, Kind Of SAD, But Very True) SIGNS You Need to Get LAID ASAP

Dry spells are never fun, but hey, they happen! And sometimes for good reason—like maybe you
just got out of a long-term relationship and need some time to heal on your own. In other
circumstances, you know when you need to get back in the game. But just in case you need a friendly reminder, here are some telltale signs that your sexual frustration is at an all-time high:

1. You didn’t know “condom dust” was a thing, until you checked the hidden pocket in your wallet.

2. You actively searched through your phone to find someone to sext. OK if a sext requires work, then it's probably not a great idea. Another word to the wise: never sext someone just because you feel obligated to. But hey, if hitting up hot bartender Jim from last summer for a textual quickie is what you have on the agenda for tonight, who are we to stop you?

3. The condom has been in your wallet so long it’s left an imprint. Also not a good look when you pull your wallet out on a date.

see also: [18 Lies LADIES Tell Themselves After Rejection by the Guy They Are into]

4. Your mom’s like, “Are you getting enough sex, dear?”

5. You start to reconsider your horrible ex. Is he single? The relationship was toxic, but the sex
was fantastic. Worth it? Repeat after us: No, no it's not.

6. You got excited when you see bananas!!

7. You’ve lost control of your bodily hair and people now mistake you for Chewbacca. Your angry pubes now extend beyond your panties.

8. You take comfort in knowing that you went 16 years without sex. Granted, that was from age zero to 16, but dammit , you can do it again if necessary !

9. Your friends don’t even ask anymore.

10. You’ve envisioned telling your next sex partner how long it’s been since your last sexual encounter, in
case you do something severely incorrect.

see also: [13 Ways You Know You’re Dating A Grown-Ass Man] 

11. Sometimes you forget you havesex parts.

12. Your Internet browser has more X-rated searches than anything else. If you type the letter
"p" into a search engine and it auto-populates PornHub instead of Pandora... 1. Clear your
search history (no one needs to see that), and 2. Step away from the computer.

13.You made your friend spill every detail of her last date. Nothing is off limits, because you
demand (and need) to know everything: what foreplay was involved, which positions they tried, how long it lasted. It's like listening to Fifty Shades of Grey as an audiobook.

14. Your mailman is looking hot. Did he get a buzz cut? Has he been hitting the gym? Hmmm.
Either way, he and Craig from accounting are basically eye candy at this point.

15. You haven't worried about STDs since the summer Olympics. Since your last checkup, the
only strange fluids to enter your body recently came from that kale smoothie you bought at that
sketchy street vendor down the block. It may or not have had a hair in it.

 see also: [The 9 Most Ridiculous Lies WOMEN Tell While Sexting]

16. Your sexy underwear hasn't made it into rotation in a while . We get it; why throw on the
all-lace black panties when the hottest thing you'll be doing today is bikram yoga? But come on,
don’t you miss them?
The neighborhood cats are getting more action than you are. It may not be mating season in
your apartment, but it certainly is in nature. All that howling and screeching you hear outside
at night? That's just their way of telling you they're having sex and you're not.

18. You get overly sensitive when people bring up sex. And it feels like everyone is having sex but you.

19. And the only pussy getting  strokes is your neighbour’s cat.

There you have it, a few signs that you need to get laid.

-Business Unplugged